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sosumi
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Name: Sue
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 11/15/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: art, reading, writing, frolicking outdoors, sleeping, anime, video games, philosophy, etc. And possibly singing (badly) to no one in particular.
Expertise: tripping over my own feet and accidentally causing mass destruction?
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  zzmesleepyzz
Member Since:
3/26/2003
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| of course i'm not insaneI've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. As I was growing up, I used to have a lot of dreams. The majority of them were these really bizarre nightmares, though I don't have too many of those now. These recent ones are less of the nightmare and mostly just bizarre.
Two remain in recent memory. One from a few weeks ago involved a very large and ugly chicken hatching in my refrigerator. Apparently it was a species from Morocco. And it kept bumping into things and trying to run away, because it was trying to get back to Morocco. The other one that I had, just last night, also involved several species of animal that didn't exist, including a temperamental rhino-deer-thing. Also, there was a moose. And a large goat that also looked like a llama and a horse. There was some mention of West Coast swing dancing. Oh, and the moose and goat were actually people who can turn into animals.
The funny thing is that about two nights ago one of my roommates was telling us about her strange dream. It was about a strange flying insect that kept morphing into other things. Such as a CHICKEN. Also what is funny is that I kept chasing it around and trying to destroy it. My roommate tried to stop me, but I refused to let up, saying "NO. THAT IS NOT A REAL CHICKEN." And I hadn't told her anything about my dream from before. I tell you, there is something strange going on here. I guess people don't tell us we have overactive imaginations for nothing.
On a semi-related note, I'm going to have people over next week. I've decided I'm going to make Moroccan chicken for dinner.
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| Oh yeah andCambodia was awesome! Sorry I haven't updated on this at all. Life has been kind of crazy and I had so much I wanted to write that I kept putting it off until I could have a big chunk of time and then I never got around to it. Fear not, I will do it soon, if you were wondering what happened to me.
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| saving faceOn Thursday, in a fit of insecurity and indecision, I bought a facial product. It was also because I needed some change for bus money. But mostly in a fit of insecurity. The woman at the counter rang it up and said "Oh, expensive." I mumbled something and said have a nice day and felt pretty lame because if I really just wanted cash I could have gotten drink instead of paying five times the bus fare. Also I don't think it seems to work all that well, anyway.
My frustration about all of this is not so much because I am anti-makeup or anti-facial care and think all facial products are evil, but more because I just bought something I didn't really want in the first place primarily because I was worried about what other people thought of me.
It just annoys me that I spent the first twenty-one years of my life finally reaching the point of being pretty secure about my appearance and now that I'm out of college I feel like there's a sudden surge of people very kindly and lovingly telling me For My Own Benefit it's not good enough, because it's simply Not The Way It's Done. I don't think anybody really needs extra things like makeup. Like, some days I look in the mirror and think "Hey, I look pretty darn good." I'm not kidding. But if people keep telling you otherwise it kind of makes you wonder, y'know?
I guess I'm still trying to find where to stand between my comfortable existence as a slob, obeying social etiquette, the fact that I do have the occasional desire to look nicer than I naturally do, and the unfortunate habit of wanting to impress other people in whatever aspect of life. Right now my primary motivation for primping myself up, the few times I do, is either (1) out of fear or (2) so people stop bothering me about it. Admittedly, every once in a while (3) because I actually enjoy it. But mostly (1). Maybe that is not a healthy view of primping, but that's the way it is for now.
P.S. Out of curiosity, I did a google search on "anti makeup". The first three results are about anti-makeup. The rest are about anti-blemish, anti-aging, anti-wrinkle, anti-______ makeup. I thought that was kind of sad.
Whatever, I'm going to sleep.
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| YEAHHWhoooo Celtics!
Not an avid basketball fan, but after hearing the history of the Celtics I couldn't help rooting for them! I think they deserve their victory :)
Yeah, I'm a traitor to LA, but everybody already knew that anyway.
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| so that i can come back to this alwaysThe past two weeks have been a crazy stream of end-of-year activites,
most notably graduations. I went to a good number of them for people
from my church, so I'm tempted to say that it's all been a blur. But as
I think back on the highlights, and as these memories and faces float
into mind, I just can't help but think, Wow, this is really special.
The
first graduation is at Zellerbach. I want to congratulate Jasper, but
mostly I'm here for Solomon, because I know it's been a long five years
for him, and it's in the middle of the workday and I'm not sure how
many people can make it. I reach the benches outside, as more of us
trickle in. When he crosses the stage, the cheers are so loud that the
man handing him the scroll says "You either have a really big family,
or a lot of really good friends." He grins and says, "Yeah, I have
both."
Dora's had a hard time of it, too. We cheer loudly,
because we're so excited to see her finally walking, even if she still
has to take a year of Russian in one short summer. Her cap proudly
references Romans 9:16. There is a flurry of picture taking, flowers,
hugs, and hearty slaps on the back before half of the crowd has to run
off, because they've rushed over from work and now their lunch breaks
are over.
Amy and I are late and we've missed the entire
business graduation. "Are you guys taking pictures?" They reply no,
even the pictures are over, too. Amy is sad because she had wanted to
present a graduation gift, so we bring it to lunch instead. We get
everyone to sign the jenga pieces as they eat, with illustrations and
personal messages. Anybody who knocks over the tower will know who to
blame.
Laura's name is accompanied by thunderous cries and
applause. Outside, she is assailed by so many flowers that she
literally cannot fit any more in the circle of her arms. Everybody's
faces shine for her, because she has loved them all with a motherly
sort of love. Her family bears striking resemblances to each other.
Laura's father looks like George Lucas, but mostly it's because he's
white and has a beard. Darryl has just received a job offer over the
phone. He had been waiting all day for the call, because this means he
can stay instead of having to return home next week. I congratulate him
and he says "Thanks, this means a lot to me." I'm not sure, but I think
there are tears in his eyes.
The entire theater is packed, and
everyone is here now because it's Saturday. We cheer on one engineer
after another, coming in late for some because we are cheering too loud
for the previous person and missed the name, until someone points him
out. James is busy trying to get everyone around him to cheer for
someone only a few of us know, and laughs sheepishly when he realizes
he's only just missed it while he was garnering support. I turn around
and see Greg, visiting from Seattle. We are so glad to see him, because
he has been gone a long time. I know that people must have been praying
for him. Neil is here to see his brother. He will be coming up in the
fall for community college, and possibly living with him. When Dave
told me yesterday, I couldn't hide my amazement, and even now, I
couldn't possibly be able to tell him how happy I am that he's here.
I
run into Brandon and his ICA crew at the fountain. Though I have my own
group, and they theirs, it is very good to see their familiar faces. I
catch up with Irene and Milton, and Mike, who has come back to visit. I
haven't made his zucchini bread yet, but when I've planted some I'll
have so much zucchini that I will be left with no choice. I tell him
I've met his friend, who has joined Amy and Dorothy's small group. He
cocks his arm and says, "Yes!" I mention the chemistry graduation is
tonight, and he immediately calls. Milton knows Dorothy, too. The
absolute gladness in Mike's face is moving and I feel like somehow I'm
seeing into a strange window, a magnificent intersection of the people God uses to touch someone's life without their even being
aware of one another.
Mi Jung and her family are all the same
height: that is, tiny. We can't stop laughing as they take pictures
standing together, because they are so cute that we can't stand it. She
seems different to me these days, quieter and older.
Evening has
settled and we congregate outside, waiting for the ceremony to end
because we are not allowed in. There are multitudes of friends,
parents, and children who are talking, laughing, playing catch. Micah
runs after Elijah's balloons, because he is not satisfied with his own.
Dora is racing around, trigger-happy with her new camera. She still
sounds uncertain when we compliment her on her recent haircut. I wish
she knew how lovely I think she is. David tells me he is going back
home to take care of the youth at his church. Katie sympathizes with
him and I marvel at their heart for the high schoolers they love
because I admit, I'm still terrifed of teenagers.
A cry goes
out; the graduates are finally coming out. The area outside
Zellerbach's door is a mass of confused, excited bodies and no one can
quite find each other. Suddenly, Marcus' head emerges above the crowd.
At first, he is the only one we can see because most of us are Asian
and he is not. Somehow we find Amy in spite of her stature.
"No
flowers, right?" I grin as I hand Amy her gift. She laughs and exclaims
that she always wanted to receive a pineapple. It is too crowded, so we
move toward the steps to Upper Sproul. The graduates follow and a shout
goes up for each of them as they arrive, one by one, like heroes
returning from battle. Faces are smiling everywhere, and it seems like everyone is here.
Amy's
entire family has come, as well as her cousins-- the whole dynasty. Her
mother looks happy to see us. Even her brother, normally aloof,
gleefully records everything he can on video. He loves his sister, even
if he can't show it. Everyone takes more pictures than will ever be
needed and we are all blinded by the endless flashing lights. In a
rowdy corner people whoop as it is announced that they will go to
Yogurt Park, Jackson has been volunteered (not by himself) to buy, and
Albert has managed to catch an internship at Google. I scan the crowd
for Stephanie, one of the three who will be leaving for MIT together. I
feel something special for her even though we haven't seen much of each
other. There was something in that single, quiet, late-night
conversation that will make me forever remember her, and it means a lot
that she receives me so warmly.
At the end of the night, Katie
and I reflect over boba. I ignore my sensitivity to caffeine, which
turns out to be a very bad idea, but right now the boba is comforting
and brings back memories. The conversation is a release, because I
urgently need to share everything I have been feeling for the past two
weeks. The words pour out unrestrained, and I can't stop myself from
thinking, how could this be? Who has sisters and brothers like these?
How many people get to stride out in their flowing black robes to be
greeted by so many dozens of people who love them? I will not, must
not, forget something so special and precious, the love that is so
thick in the air that it seems almost tangible, the kind of fullness in
life nothing on earth can bring. And in the end, these instances and
others I have not recorded here, tell me There is hope.
"Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God..." -- 1 Peter 2:10 | | |
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